Like
I’ve written before, I’m on few mono/poly groups. What I’ve been reading in some of these
groups lately is that a few people posting about having caught their partners
having an affair and that the partner is using the “I’m a poly” card. Nope; sorry; not buying it! What that person is, is a cheater who got
busted!
In
my post “Me Time”, I talked about M and I attending a talk about polyamory. Now
I know that there are different definitions about polyamory, but everyone in the poly community tends to
agree on one thing; and that is if you do not tell your partner about the
person you want to see and you go ahead to see them, then that is cheating period. End of story. Now your partner may be an honest to goodness
poly, but not telling you about their newest relationship is cheating.
If
your partner doesn’t tell you about a relationship beforehand, to me, speaks
volumes. In my book, by not talking about the new relationship before it
happens, you are saying to your partner that you really don’t care about their
feelings. Relationships should have these major key ingredients which are
openness, honesty, and communication.
Whether you are in a relationship that you want to open up, or like me
who is in a mono/poly one, you need to talk about other relationships before they happen. M and I have talked about when to tell me
when he is going to start seeing another person. After much discussion and my usual thing of
“if the situation was reversed, how would you feel,” we agreed upon me knowing
before the first date. Maybe you would
like to know after a few dates and that’s fine, but that is up to you and your
partner to decide before anything happens.
Just
like everything else out there, there are people who play by the rules and
those who don’t. Using the poly card
“when caught”is not in the rules.
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